My Story

My Story

A disclaimer...I write how I speak...punctuation is kinda lost on me... it is easier for me to share my heart when I just write.... so please forgive the poor writing...it is my story and my heart...poured out through my fingers

Where to begin... the beginning is always best... I was born on July 5th, 1963, I weighed 5lbs 4 oz... this is important to know because it was the only time in my life I was under weight.
I quickly made up for it everyday after my birth. My entire life, I have always been the big girl...I remember being just about 5 or 6 and my Italian aunt pinching my cheek and telling me I should buy a girdle.... niiiice...Thanks Auntie : )
I also remember being in 3rd or 4th grade and a teacher was making up a play and decided I would be big Bertha ( ummm yeah that went over well... if the desired ending is tears )
I was always the biggest girl in the class...

In 1974 we moved from Rhode Island to Arizona, I was in 5th grade and much to my surprise...I was STILL the biggest girl in my class.... but I had one other strike against me now... my Rhode Island accent... my cars were called caahs, parks were paahks..I'm sure you get an idea ( ideaah) of how I sounded... so here I was fat and weird to boot...making friends was not easy... in fact I got beat up much of my 6th grade school year, until I decided to beat the girl up who kept beating me up ( but that is another story)

In 7th grade, at a new school and determined to make a new me.. I decided not to befriend anyone... that would be much easier... but a girl that lived in my neighborhood would not see things my way.. she insisted we become friends... Stephanie Clifton became my best friend in the world...and still is, to this day...I would not be the strong willed opinionated person I am today if I had not met Stephanie.

So here I was in Jr high and high school...still almost always the biggest girl in the class... but not so hideous that no one would be friends with me...and if anyone picked on me, my Stephanie would have kicked their ass...and she still would to this day : ) My weight went up and down...through these year... I remember being a size 16 in my sophomore year... I also remember wearing Levi's 501 button down jeans from Yellow Front... the size...33 waist...I rocked those jeans for years... and they are still with me today... now known as my goal pants ( more on those later )
I got married to my high school sweetheart just a few days after I graduated high school in 1981. He has always been a supportive kind man... and has never ever made me feel bad about my weight....Every woman should have a man in their life like him.

My weight climbed up after getting married...I was now in "woman's" sizes... ugly horrible woman's clothes...At that time designers had not figured out that fat people want to be cute too...
I cant even tell you what my top weight was... but I do know it was well over 250lbs... time went by... 4 years later I became pregnant with my son, I was in beauty school at the time...and was put in bed rest twice... I lost weight the first six months of my pregnancy ... I thought something was wrong with me.... but the Dr assured me all was well...

Two years after my son was born I finally decided I was tired of being fat... I went to a weight lose clinic and started a diet where I got B-12 injects several times a week, and I had to eat a diet that would make me be in ketosis ( this is not a healthy state to be in.. but I wanted to be skinny so much).. so for 6 months I was on this diet plane...but I could not get my body to remain in ketosis when I moved to the second part of the diet.. so I had to stay on the first part of the diet in order to lose weight.. that meant I ate 2-4oz steaks a day and one apple...I did that for 6 months... I craved foods I did not like... like pecan pie...I really really don't like pecan pie....but I sure did when I was doing that diet... I weighed in 3 times a week...I lost 67lbs...but I was a raging bitch... if you know my husband, ask him about the famous "Taco Bell Incident"... 23 years later he still has flash backs.

My weight lose stalled... I was desperate...I quit the B-12 injections shot place and drove directly over to Jenny Craig... If anyone could help me it was Jenny!... I signed up with hope of reaching my goal of 100lbs lost... but I had done so much damage to my body in the past 6 months... that it was almost impossible for me to lose weight... I only lost an additional 14 lbs ...I decided health was more important than diet...and I stopped seeing Jenny...I don't think she has ever gotten over me leaving.

I did not gain the weight back in one day.... I had picked up some healthy tips from Jenny... portion control....don't eat standing up... don't eat while doing something else..... but I did start to put the weight back on....in 1989 I became pregnant with my daughter ... I again lost weight for the first 6 months with the baby... I never really had morning sickness with either child... but I did have heartburn... I ate a lot of apples to help with the heart burn...maybe that helped me lose weight for the first 6 months each time

My daughter was born healthy and happy. I enjoyed my life as a mom to both my children....and I ate... because I was happy... but wait.. I also ate because I was sad... or because I was stressed.. or because I was bored... or because I really like my own cooking... or just because ....

Years go by.. I am still always the biggest girl in the room...always feeling a bit like a fat giant next to many of my friends... At some point I decided that what I weigh does not define me.... and I will tell you... what I weigh today or any other day does not define me...I am much more than what I weigh....I am talented...I am beautiful... I am strong... I am a mama bear that will protect her cubs. I am kind... I am caring... I am so much more than fat..... If I want something, I go after it... and I usually achieve what I go after....

I have been in several bands over the past 20 years... and I never once let my weight stop me from going on stage....I never let what I weigh stop me from doing anything... after all I am ( was) a fat healthy person...I did anything I wanted...me weight never stopped me.

I stared working in beauty sales.. and adored my job... I loved going to work each day... I loved being around the industry that I trained to be a part of.... almost everyone was wonderful to work with... I got to see different salons each day, I got see different stylist every day... again I never ever let my weight define me... but some of the salons... some of the stylist were very judgmental... some could barely stand to look at me if I talked to them... some avoided me... and some were just plain mean...but in my head I thought... F%^K them...... I don't want to do business with someone so shallow anyways.

Life has a way of taking you on a crazy journey....the economy took a bad turn...sales dried up and.. so did my job.... I went back into merchandising... and I had to take several other jobs as well to try to make what I was making before....I started hosting karaoke 2 nights a week... and loved being able to sing again...it is a fun job...and my customers are pretty awesome.... I never really had anyone judge me ( that I know of ) because of my size...once I sing... you forgot about my size...

Fast forward to January of this year 2010... I was watching a friends band play....and was enjoying the night of good music.. I even got up and sang a song with them....the night was winding down.. and I was talking to a man who was a friend of the band as well...this man had his own band...I was purely making conversation with this man...I had ZERO interest in being a part of his band ( he was too old to play anything I would want to do ) ..again, I was just making conversation... when I asked him if he had any females in his band ( many bands just have guys and no chicks... I always found that interesting ) He said no, but would consider it...( as he looked me up and down) if she was hot...In my head I was saying F%#K you a$$hole!!!!... But my outside voice...said yeah... I guess you need something to draw people in....Please understand...I did not know this man... I did not give a crap on how he viewed me.... I didn't care if he liked me or anything I did... in my life this man had no value to me...but his words hurt... they stung me.... right in my passion... my heart... my music...someone stabbed me right where it hurt the most...you can do a lot to me....you can say a lot to me...but if you want to wound me...attack my music.. or my abilities within music... it my most tender, most unprotected place.... His words were a wake up call unlike anything I ever heard...his words haunted me...daily....and still do today...and one day soon.. I want to thank him for being an insensitive jerk... I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees me now...

I had heard of the HCG Diet ... and even did some research....
I started talking to people who lost weight on this diet... I talked to 4 medical professionals.... and got the approval from all of them to do this diet....now all I had to get was the money... not as easy at it sounds when you are working several part time jobs just to make ends meet. One of my part time jobs is a sales rep merchandiser for a bra company... one of the things I do is fitting on women, making sure they have the right bra.. and so on...
A friend of mine, Jo, had lost over 150lbs asked me to do a fitting on her.. Jo met me at a Lane Bryant and we got her in the right bra.. it was a fun afternoon of shopping with a dear new friend...Jo sells the HCG Diet, and brought me a thank you gift for doing the fitting...My dear friend... my angel.. Jo... gave me one month of the HCG diet...what a gift!!!...At that moment I had no way of knowing what an amazing gift she gave me... I took the diet home... and let the diet sit for 3 weeks...not really sure if I wanted to do it...Jo said it was easy... sure it was easy for her.. she lost 150lbs... but it could not be that easy for me...me, the Italian mama.. a woman who is one with her carbs...a woman who would rather die than give up pasta and bread... Give me a warm loaf of Italian bread, a stick of real butter and a glass a milk and I am one happy woman... Don't take my pizza from me...,,,I looove food...I am a great cook....Can you tell I am connected to my food?

But I could still hear that Mr Insensitive man in my head ...each day I heard him....So January 26th ( I am 262 lbs...and a size 26/28 )...... three weeks after I got the diet...I said to myself, well.. I could "try" the diet for the first two days at least... That part is fun....you get to anything you want...as much as you want.. as often as you want for the first two days... that is known as fat loading...Hell, anyone can do the first two days... and people... I did it up right... I had chimmichagas ... I had almond poppy muffins with melted butter on them.. I had pizza... I had wings..Ihad cheese...ohhh I love cheese.... I had soooo much tasty fatty foods....the first two days were heaven... total bliss..... Then I wake up to day 3...

Day 3 ...the day of reckoning...I wake up.. and say.... hmmmm lets see what you are made of Gail... am I bigger than my weight problem?...and I stronger than my appetite?
If I want something... I can always figure out how to get it....say no to me and that's just makes me want it more...yeah..... I am one of those people....But I could not conquer my weight?... I've failed each time.. until now...

So I say to myself.. take it one day at a time... one hour at a time... one minute at a time....
Day 3 went by.. I held to the diet for the most part... and it was not as hard as I thought it was...Day 4 was a bit harder... but still not really bad...I thought this is pretty easy.....maybe Jo was right.. 2 protein..2 fruits.. 2 veggies a day....pretty easy to remember...

Day 5...my rings feel very loose... wow.... I had not stepped on the scale..because I did not want to see failure....
I see a friend that night and she looks at me and say... My God! You look great..what are you doing?... ummm the HCG diet....but I didn't think anyone could see a change after just 5 days....
A week goes by...7 days after starting the HCG diet... I am down 14lbs... 14lbs???? !!!!!! Really?????...ONE WEEK 14LBS!!!! wooo hooo I am doing the happy dance....that day as I walk through the malls going to each store to do my work.. I find I am moving faster....I have more energy...My goodness, what have I stumbled onto?

30 days go by and I am down 28.5 lbs... my pants fall down when I walk....I start going through my closet and looking for clothes that fit me..( I have sizes 18 -26, in my closet). I am wearing things I had not worn in 10 years....I look over at those Levi 501's ( aka goal pants )... the ones with the 33 inch waist... I think hmmm maybe I'll be able to think about trying those on in a few months.....until then, I enjoy shopping in my own closet.... finding clothes I forgot....thinking.... man I AM on my way....

Almost every day brings a new LOWER number on the scale...everyday.. I am encouraged by the success I see....there are plateaus along the way.... there are a few cheats...but nothing really bad...after all, I have the voice of the insensitive man in my head....A woman would have to be "hot" to be part of his stupid old guy band......his words are my battle cry....But there are also the voices of all the encouragement, from friends...family... from people I don't even know... but that see me each week when I host karaoke.........almost each day.. someone comes up to me to congratulate me.... they don't know my goal...they just see the change....

Now... down 74lbs and just 26lbs from my goal...many people don't recognize me...I've had people come up to my while I am hosting karaoke and ask where the usual host is.... I say I've always hosted this show..at that point they look at me...and say OMG Gail... I didn't know it was you.... my own son did not recognize me at a friends graduation party.. I walk into a salon ... and until I speak many don't know who I am... HOW COOL IS THAT?

I don't even recognize myself when I pass by a mirror...many times I do a double take....wow... is that me? In my head... I still see 26/28... but in reality I am a 14/16..wearing a regular size large...not from the woman's department...not from Lane Bryant or Torrid....but from JC Penneys... Kohls....Dillards....regular sizes... from regular store...cute clothes...that reflect who I am...and how I feel....I still can't believe this is me...and I am not even done with my journey.

I feel amazing... I now know I can do and be anything I want....I am looking into doing more music...maybe joining a band...but not Mr Insensitive's band.... ummm yeah... no...I don't think his band would meet my standards...after all.... I don't think he is hot enough : )

I do want be part of a band that has the same passion that I do for music.... maybe play a few gigs a week.... get out there...follow my passion...use my talents and my abilities ... and now... so close to my goal... what can hold me back?...NOTHING BABY!